end

well my dears, as much as i'd promised to bring you more interesting insights into british life, i have in fact spent all of the last week shut up in my house with horrendous flu, with my english husband being the only british thing to cross my path all week.

but it is the end of the year, so once again people are contemplating the old year, wondering about the new, pretending to make new years resolutions. are you making any? i don't have the attention span to see them through so never bother. there are some things i'd like to achieve this year though, like make a pie from scratch, visit paris, teach my husband how to close cupboard doors. i do feel excited though, at the thought of where 2011 will take us.

after all 2010 was an interesting one, kind of random, but not in an unpleasant way. i've been wondering though, where to next after getting married? chidren you say? yeah, i'm not 100% convinced of that direction. children are cute and all, but (and here's the key) not all the time! i'm not even sure that getting a cat is a good idea!

really, though, the first day of the year is always the nicest, don't you think? full of hope and pontentiall. so here's hoping your new year takes you in a unexpected but not unpleasant direction.

well, (dusts hands off) that's another christmas done and enjoyed. and my first ever white christmas too! although i learnt yesterday that it isn't enough that there is snow on the ground, it actually has to fall on christmas day for it to be a white christmas. and as it did fall for about 3 minutes we can count it as a white christmas!

lots of people have asked me in the last week what christmas in australia is like. it's funny, really, because in oz we grew up with lots of images of a white christmas, but most brits don't really know what a hot christmas would be like. one lady expressed great surprise when her daughter told her that whole families rock up to the beach, pull out their folding chairs and their eskies (ice boxes), and hang out! it's usually too cold up here to do anything outside, so you spend the whole day inside, with you're family, which i imagine can lead to some tenseness! we had a lovely day with jeff's family though. and i had my first ever turducken! and plum pudding with brandy sauce! it was delicious! two very enthusiastic thumbs up!

and the best bit of the day? watching the dr who christmas special, on bbc 1! felt very british! loved it!

one last thing! i know i've been a bit pants with my entries lately, so one of my new years resolutions is to up my game and bring you a lot more interesting insights into life in britain. merry christmas everyone. you're all in my hearts over the holiday period!

blurgh (pronounced blerg)

blurgh. double vodkas were not a good idea...

i'm sorry folks, i don't think i have it in me to write anything today. i somehow have to find a way to bake lots of things in the midst of my hangover fugue and that involves going to the supermarket first. again, blurgh.

i will say this though, the brits love a good christmas party. the last friday before christmas is called black friday because so many people get into fights and accidents pre, mid or post work christmas parties. also affectionately referred to as black eye friday i believe.

anyway, the noise from my typing is painfully grating against the inside of my skull, so i shall depart.

here is a christmas carol i thought you might enjoy

this week it's not about the snow. it isn't really. except that it is. in a small way. i've had enough. enough of the bad driving conditions. enough of the gutters falling down. enough of the roof of my car getting caved in by snow that fell off of a roof. i'm with the locals now. snow on christmas day would be nice, but then the rest of the time it can just f$&* right off.

thank god we've had a thaw over the last few days. and it's surprising how quickly it all goes. but it's kind of like when a bad neighbour moves out. there's an overwhelming sense of relief, but you're left wondering if another bad one is on the way. they're predicting the coldest winter in 130 years. awesome.

i'm afraid, after the last two weeks, that i don't really have anything of interest to write about. i mean there's only so much i can write about my new hatred of snow before you all start awkwardly looking at your watches and mumbling something about needing to check your emails on another page.

(is it just me, or is the word awkward, awkward to spell?)

it's not all red faced and stompy though. a lot of the houses here are terraces and they're built quite close to the road, so everyone puts their christmas trees in their living room windows which is nice when you're driving around. they're all twinkly and sparkly and make my grumpy brain less so.

anyway campers, i'll raise my mug of tea to a better week, and go in search of my christmas cheer.

snowmore

so, you know how last week i was all excitable about the snow?

yeah, that's kind of worn off a bit.

this is why.



northumberland is a few miles north of here, and they've copped the worst of the snowfall but it's definitely been like that in our village. it took me 2 and a half hours to get to work yesterday morning, half an hour of that just to get out of our village!

to be honest, it makes me feel tired just writing about it. driving has become a complete and utter chore with a spicy element of danger thrown in just for good measure. i hit my first ever ice patch yesterday. it's a sickening feeling to have your car still moving after you stomped on the breaks!

this is what our main street looked like at the beginning of the week.


by the end of the week the snow was piled up about four foot deep, and there were cars parked on both sides of the street because people couldn't get into their own streets.

all the locals are trying to reassure me that this kind of weather is not normal for this time of year. apparently they haven't had this much snow in november since 1965. i'm not really sure how that's reassuring, because all it says to me is that i've got several more months to endure!

it hasn't all been an icy hell though. i did have a few snow days, and i built a snowman.

he is now buried waist deep in snow.

but it is pretty, and it does look like a christmas card.



am i still hoping for a white christmas?

yes, as long as i don't have to drive anywhere.

yuki des!!

oh, the weather outside is frightful!

yes, that's right folks, it's snowing! see?


and this is our lane...



that's my buried car.

isn't it exciting?? although all the locals are making concerned faces and commenting on how this is early for this much snow. i wonder how long it will take me to get sick of it? NEVER!

snow and traffic have been the big themes for this week. the first snowfall caught everyone by surprise, i think, so the roads were in chaos on thursday morning, resulting in me attempting to get to work, then giving up and going home. first snow day, check!

jeff and i were almost caught in a proper, stuck for several hours, traffic jam on our return from bristol on wednesday. thankfully, with a little bit of menacing reversing we escaped it's clutches. others were not so fortunate. i have heard tales of people being stuck for many hours!

i have been trying to be brave with the driving, although so far the roads have been fine. i'm supposed to go out today, but i'm thinking i might wuss out. i have learnt some valuable lessons however, such as, it's a good idea to seeep all the snow off you bonnet before leaving, otherwise you end up driving in your own mini snowstorm!

london was great, we saw lots, walked everywhere, and subsequently did more exercise than either of us have done since getting to england! i don't think our legs liked us very much after that!

anyhoo, i think i might go and play in the snow for awhile!

aways

hello.

you've reached kristi's blog.

i'm sorry but she can't come to the computer right now as she is on a jaunt to london, where she will be taking in art, and culture and probably lots of alcohol.

if you'd like to imagine what she would have written about were she here, please do so after the beep.

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

*whispers* what are you thinking about??

in the mean time here is a song for you to enjoy.



there now, wasn't that nice?

(i will try to write again when we get back. tiny print means it's not a promise!)

zzzzz....

i'm not really awake. i know typing up my blog would suggest otherwise, but i'm not. i also have the house to myself for most of the weekend. it was said to me this morning as my significant other walked out the door that i could probably achieve a lot, but i fear the call of the playstation may be too strong.

actually, i really need to go coat shopping today. buying warm clothes has always come as something of a challenge to me. jumpers (or sweaters for my more international friends) and coats particularly. i seem to lack the necessary knowledge to know where and what type to buy, so that i end up using a coat during the winter that other people, presumably in the know, say things like "how brave you are to use an autumn coat all winter"! and something i've never understood, are you supposed to by stuff that makes you feel warm outside, or just less cold. because that's what gets me. i buy coats and sweaters and scarves and gloves, but i'm still cold when i go outside! i mean, isn't the whole point of wearing 15 layers to make you feel warm??

rants about warm clothing aside, i'm also embarking on making a christmas cake this weekend. it's my contribution to the family christmas dinner. the baking part of my brain, by which i mean that bit that likes to cook, not any other connotation you wish to make, although if it makes you laugh, feel free, far be it from me to deny you a good chuckle...where was i? oh, yes, so i'm looking forward to it, however it has just occurred to me that this is my first johnston family christmas, so, should i set out to wow and impress, thus earning myself a mountain of admiration and praise? i'm not awake enough to make that decision. ask me again tomorrow

speaking of all things cringle, i'm hoping for a white christmas. i don't think anyone else is but i'll be beside myself if it's snowy on christmas day. there are hints of snow already, not anywhere around here, but just a ways off, like a hint, or mere suggestion. anyway, can you guess what song i'm going to show you??

falling

coming, as i do, from scorchy land, i tend to get overly enthusiastic about the changing seasons. in south east queensland, where i lived most of my life, the seasons kind of just ooze their way from hot, sticky summer to less hot, dry winter. so i've particulary enjoyed the last month or so, watching the leaves change, choosing the delude myself that the lovely crisp mornings are not an indication of how cold it's yet to get.

in japan you have to travel to enjoy the seasons. we lived almost in the heart of osaka, which means smack bang in the middle of a concrete, wire infested jungle. so you could only notice the changing of the seasons from way over there. here, though, we have trees and forests and meadows all around, so i get to be all doe-eyed when i look out the window at the changing scenery. and it might sound hopelessly pastoral, but you can feel the change around you, feel that last urgent push of nature, the last harah before it sleeps it off over the winter.

i kind of feel like this weekend might be the peak of the season, so to speak. it was bonfire night last night. as jeff and i drove into town to visit a mate, we saw fireworks going off all over the place. tonight we're off to a big bonfire with friends. for those of you in the know, don't worry, jeff has been banned from handling the fireworks.

anyway, i am enjoying falling for fall. i have to say though, so far the highlight would have to have been the fire-twirling morris dancers.

(i tried to upload a video, but seem to be incapable of getting it to work. just imagine three guys, twirling around, shouting hey, and spinning fire to ring of fire, by jonny cash, played on the accordion!)

i actually started typing this entry yesterday morning after jeff and i got home from a friend's 40th birthday party, but looking at the screen was making me feel queasy and the sound of the keyboard was like stabbing knives of sound in my poor, delicate, alcohol abused brain.

i have, actually, had a really great weekend. jeff's sister got married on friday. it was a really really nice wedding, great venue, yummy food, beautiful bride and groom. the only disappointment for me was that i had been previously told that there was always a brawl at english weddings, and all the guests at this one were far too lovely, so no fisticuffs were seen! it's always a let down when a cultural stereotype is a no show!

on saturday night we went to a 40th birthday party in a place called the hibernian club (or the hibs for short). it's basically a hall with a bar at the back, and i'm pretty sure the décor hadn't been changed since the mid sixties, judging by the wallpaper! and it had that sort of inground smell that was a mixture of stale beer, smoke, damp and body odour. still, fun was had, drinks were consumed, well, until the bartender said he was shutting the bar at 11 so that he could go downstairs and get his own drink on.

so yesterday was spent in a number of horizontal poses, involving eating crisps or sleeping. this wa only disturbed by the kids knocking for candy for halloween. this is the first time i've ever had trick or treaters! i found myself at a bit of a loss as to what to say when i opened the door. it strikes me as odd that there is a yearly tradition of basically asking strangers for candy, something i was always told was a sure fire way to end up in a ditch somewhere! but, never fear, i wasn't a mean old witch, candy was supplied. apparently i have to get ready for kids to come knocking on bonfire night asking for a penny for the guy (which i'm lead to believe is not some man sending his kids out to get him small brown coins, but is some sort of thing that you burn on your bonfire? i think...)

anyhoo, here are some photos.


this is alnwick castle (pronounced annick) where some of the first harry potter was filmed.

the handsome bride and the beautiful groom


enmasked

well, folks, i find myself in somewhat of a pickle this morning. as i think back over the last week, i'm at a loss for anything funny, insightful, or interesting to write about. which is a little disheartening because it implies that i'm now stuck in a routine, and makes me think of running off into the misty yonder to find adventure and snacks!

i did try tea cakes, which are a biscuit with a big marshmallow on top covered with a thin layer of chocolate. the marshmallow is the consistency of mock cream. not sure that i liked it much, bit too sweet for me. i did however indulge in kebab meat and chips last night, which is fast becoming my new guilty pleasure take away treat.

geordie's think of kebab meat much as we might think of ham, or salami. yes, you can get it in a traditional kebab with salad and garlic sauce, but you can also get it, as previously mentioned, with chips and gravy, on a pizza, in a bun with gravy. i personally think it's awesome, always having had a secret love of kebab meat.

food wise, it actually has been great being back in a western country, where there are baked beans on tap and i never want for salt and vinegar chips or fruit! one thing i have noticed recently though is british people (get ready for a sweeping generalisation) eat a lot of crisps! or perhaps it's just the people i work with. but the deliciously savoury snack does seem to be a favourite here. and sausage rolls. and curries.

next week i will hopefully have some pictures of a castle to show you. i have demanded that jeff takes me to one tomorrow. oh and there's a wedding as well.

lately

i know i'm a bit late with my posting this week, but i woke up yesterday morning and thought, stuff it, i'm having a day off from everything! i have emerged from said day satisfied, relaxed and pondering jeff's theory that all the odd star trek movies are crap but all the even ones are good. all 10 movies are being played back to back this weekend.

the past week has been one of heavy contemplation. i find myself in the midst of a career crisis, desperately trying to find some direction or sense of purpose when it comes to my working life.

my company had staff conferences last week, and as i sat in the crowd, cringing at the group activities, i thought to myself, i'm on the wrong side of the table. where i really want to be is up there, with all the big bods, making decisions (like a boss), being leadery (like a boss), signing off policies (like a boss). so, the obvious answer seems to be to work my up there.

the problem is that this job that i have now, i've been here before. i started at the bottom, worked my way up into head office, but then upped sticks and went to japan. so now i feel like i've taken a massive step backwards. and if i'm completely honest with myself, i went to japan partly to avoid thinking about careers, and directions and goals. i don't regret going to japan, but i do feel like past kristi could be inordinately lazy at times, and i wish she'd sorted herself out before now.

so, the end result of these rather pessimistic musings, is that i'm now considering new paths, directions, goals (insert other appropriate self-help lingo here).

so far i've come up with childminder, kindergarten teacher, writer, and opening an izakaya. all of these things i feel that i'm capable of doing (well, the writing thing, i would have to be a damn sight less lazy than i am now, but we can all fly in our daydreams!) of course, actually doing anything about it an entirely different situation!

observation for the week:

british people think like they're in a village; australian people think like they're on an isolated farm.

so, you know how last week i mentioned that i had seen english fog? well i think the country may have taken that as a challenge, along the lines of "that aint fog! THIS is fog."

yesterday morning when i left for work it was foggy. it's still foggy now! and this was proper can't see more than 70 feet in front of you fog, which is ok when you're walking, but when you're in a metal box with wheels (otherwise known as a car), it forces you to drive ridiculously slow, whilst deliberately not thinking about the movie, the mist!

and it stuck around all day! i kept thinking why is the sun not burning it all away, and then i remembered that i don't live in scorchy land anymore, where the sun rules all.

i took a picture of what it looks like outside this morning.


i kind of like the fog, though jeff assures me that it can get worse than it was last night, which adds yet another dimension to my driving fears!

speaking of, we finally bought a second car, and i am now the proud owner of a nissan micra (insert other car details here). it's red and boxy, and whines if it gets above 65 miles an hour! i haven't named it as yet, but my affection for it is slowly growing.

culturally phenometastic

in my head i have a loosely assembled list of things that i think of as being essentially english. the things on this list come from a variety of places, tv, movies, girls annuals, enid blyton.

here's some of the things i've seen so far.

a canteen with proper canteen ladies.
a farmer wearing tweed.
a camp of gypsies (caravans and all).
a cleaning lady with rollers in her hair.
a caff (or greasy spoon).
chavs.
proper fog.
little villages with stone houses.
moors (pronounced moo-ers, very important).
stiles (for getting over fences).
canal boats.
a hedgehog.

here are some things that i want to see.

a miniature village.
the seaside (loosely described as brighton i think).
the queen.
an oxford professor riding a bicycle.
someone actually drinking bovril.
an aristocrat.
a badger.
a mole.

contemplating my list got me wondering what other people think of as english, or british. or welsh, irish, or scottish for that matter. so, i encourage you to let me know, and i'll add it to my list and let you know when i've spotted it!

and now for something completely different...

jeff and i are off to buy a second car today. this will actually be the first time i've gone to a car yard to look at and possibly purchase a car. i'm hoping that my expectation of being harangued by a car salesman will turn out to be unfounded (whilst secretly hoping that he does as it will give my fuel for my blog fire!).

i feel like i am in a very strange and unfamiliar place, where we buy household appliances and have serious conversations about investing and retirement. somehow it's snuck up on me, but i seem to have become a grown-up. i wonder, does this mean i have to start drinking sherry, and despairing at the follies of the young?

in times to come

here's what i'm most looking forward to. SNOW!!!!!! seriously, last night i had two separate dreams where it had started snowing! i long for the day where i wake up, open the window and it's all white and shiny outside!

here's what i'm most dreading. driving in the snow. this fear has been confounded by literally everyone i talk to giving me their concerned face when i say this will be my first winter here. they try to quickly recover and give me helpful advice like turn into the skid, but it's that first face that seriously worries me.

and i think everyone is expecting me to curl up into a ball and whimper when it starts getting cold. i know i'm not really prepared for it, but i hope at least i won't be dealing with it by turning to the foetal position. actually i'm planning to just rely on complaining loudly and often about the weather, mostly because i feel it will help me fit in with the locals!

speaking of, i am making headway with understanding the accent, though i still have problems with e and a. when they're spelling a word (i have to ask people at work to do this when i am talking to them on the phone) a sounds like e and vice versa, so there have been lots of frustrated conversations, usually ending in the person on the phone saying "a for apple, not e for elephant!". still, i find i can understand a few more words now, and have even started using words like lass in everyday speech!

oh, and in case you're wondering, i did get my haircut, and it's the most grown up haircut i've ever had!

ps if you're very good, there me be photos of deer for you to look at next week!

the last pangs

in some ways it's been a mildly momentous week. and as i sit here with my pint of water feeling slightly queasy from the cider i drank last night, i can't help but feel a sense of, i hesitate to say (i don't really) smug satisfaction.

the last of my stuff arrived from australia yesterday, a wooden chest filled with trinkets. of course, said chest is quite securely locked with a padlock, the keys for which i'm pretty sure i gave to jeff, which now means pulling the house apart to find them. this is momentous though, because it now means that i'm officially here, i've finally moved in. and it's kind of a nice feeling. i feel kind of settled, although, coming from gypsy stock as i do, it usually doesn't take long for me to feel at home. be wary if i ask to stay for more than a few weeks!!

i am also mid birthday week, which began the night before my actual birthday. i've had cards, and cakes, and wine, and herb potatoes, and presents. and today i'm going shopping, during which i plan to get a shiny piece of pretty that my husband will pay for!

i'm also planning to get my hair cut. whilst over the history of my hair this is hardly momentous, i've been talking about getting my hair cut since i left japan six months ago, so if i actually go through with it, it will be a bit of a big deal. i have something of a fear and loathing for hairdressers, not individually mind, just as a group. i have never had a successful visit to a salon, by which i mean i walked out completely happy with the result. actually, that's not entirely true. i was pretty happy with getting my head shaved, but i'd kind of worked out how it would look! and that was at a festival, done by a guy raising money for...something to do with unions...so it doesn't really count.

lastly, on thursday morning i had my first moment of wanting to skive off work(chuck a sicky). i feel that this means i am now, well and truly, a part of the workforce. this is also evidenced by an increase in shouting at other drivers for their inability to use their cars in a safe and appropriate way. this is the first job i've had where i've had to drive to work, and so far i've been able to tolerate it, but i can see why it drives people to get out of their cars and shoot others.

oh, and we bought a big, shiny, flat screen tv.

permunnication

well, i can proudly announce that as of yesterday i am a permanent employee of the South Tyneside Council. i had an interview on thursday afternoon that i came away from only semi-convinced that i was any good, only be told yesterday that i was being daft and in fact had done really well in the interview.

which of course leads me nicely into my chosen discourse this week which is communication. there is something i've noticed about northerners. well, more specifically, given the test group i've had to work with over the last few weeks, people from the north-east.when they talk to you they leave out vital information for you to be able to know what it is they're talking about.

I asked jeff about this once and he said that up here everyone expects you to know what they are talking about so will often start talking mid topic. in a pub situation this can be very entertaining, but not so much at work.

but it seems to go the other way too. what i've found is that i will ask a question about something, but they will have already half filled their head with what they think i'm talking about, and so their answer has nothing to do with what i'm actually asking! it makes for some long conversations.

but on the fun side (well, mostly) i've been getting slowly better at understanding the northern accent. i find that if i ramp up my aussie accent then they're a lot more sympathetic, and dumbfounded too that i would choose to live in stanley rather than summer bay!

here is a little video of a geordie accent.

lost for words

i find myself at a bit of a loss for something to right about this week.

actually, that's a lie. i was going to talk about the english propensity towards saying really nasty things to people you love, but i got bored half way through and deleted it. maybe down the track when i have more funny examples.

so...how are you? how's the weather? whatchya been up to? seen any good films lately?

man, why did nothing funny happen to me this week? maybe i should lie. nah, i've never been a convincing liar.

tell me a story!

yeah, that'll work!

i wonder, though, if my lack of anecdotes has to do with feeling quite settled into my new english life. too busy feeling self-satisfied to pay attention to what's happening around me.

i wonder if people can tell how bored i am whilst typing...

jeff has just wandered into the room and helpfully suggested that i talk about him. or his party. which actually does suggest a solution to my current problem.

you see, when i've had a few drinks, i like to talk. usually about relationships (mine, yours, whoever happens to be standing near me). i have been known to make people cry. so perhaps i should go downstairs, skull a few, and the words will just flow!

i should at this point note that on monday morning (the day after jeff's birthday party) i woke up not really remembering the last few hours of the party and knowing that i spent some time talking with jeff's sober friend on the couch and having NO recollection of what was said. drunken guilts anyone?

work-a-day world

i'll be honest with you, this entry is going to be a short one.

i just got home from my second day of work so i now have that post work haze, which is a pretty relaxed place to be, as it tends to gently push me towards zero-movement activities.

i'm actually a little surprised at how quickly it's all turned around. i had an interview for a temporary position on tuesday and started working on thursday! and i found out this afternoon that i've been short listed for the permanent position that i'm currently filling!

even more surprising though is the sheer horror that people express at me when i tell them that i have to drive for 35 minutes to get to work. honestly, it's the equivalent of telling people you live in noosa and you commute to brisbane every day for work! god bless the english and their inability to understand what distance really means.

it feels pretty good to be back in gainful employment. and best of all, no more guilt when i sit down to watch tv!

that's your lot for this week. xx

it's the little things

it's election day in australia! or was. or still is. anyway, for those of you who don't know, it's a significant one for oz as we could possibly be on the verge of voting in our first female prime minister! and moving away from a conservative parliament as well. i've just counted the time difference out on my fingers and the polling booths closed about 15 minutes ago! exciting! well, it is for me.

and if it's election day it means that i'm a day late with my blog. oops. put it down to an overwhelming wave of laziness last night. once it rears its ugly head the lazy beast inside usually gets its own way.

the major theme for week three in o.b has been driving. originally i had thought that i would have to change my licence over to a british one before i could drive which meant that i had to rely on jeff to get around. but then when i actually took the time to read the information that the DVLA had sent to me, i realised that i was actually entitled to drive for 12 months on my aussie licence before changing it over.

so, woo hoo, right? mostly yes, however, i'm finding that it's all the little differences between oz and here (and japan too) that are starting to get to me. apparently the way that i indicate when driving around a roundabout is sufficiently scary enough to cause my husband to literally jump out of the passenger seat, grab the dashboard and yell at me! it came as a bit of a shock to learn that the logical use of a roundabout wasn't in fact universal! it would take too long, and probably several diagrams to explain the whole thing, but suffice to say it has to do with the appropriate situation to use your right side indicator. the end result of our rather lengthy discussion after the yelling incident is that i am now a cautious roundabout user, where as before i would sail through them with ease and confidence and a merry wave for my fellow drivers.

and english roads! what i would consider to be a one lane country track is in fact a main road here. i will film one for you so you can see what i mean! it can get a little scary!

keeping with the topic of driving, we drove up to see hadrian's wall on wednesday. it was built by the romans across britain to keep the marauding scots out. so i've seen my first roman ruins. it was pretty cool actually. here's a pic.




pretty neat, huh? i always find it cool to think that long ago this had been a place full of ordinary folk like me, probably hating their jobs (and the weather!), thinking about what they would do if they had more money.

and we drove on a roman road too, well, what used to be a roman road. man those suckers are straight! they would do any outback road proud!

well, i may have phoned this one in, but i'm starting to get hungry now, so it would only get worse if i pressed on.

till next week, gentle readers. kisses!

summertime, and the livin' is easy

in osaka, august is the hottest month of the summer. in brisbane (where the seasons are the right way round) february is the hottest month. so by rights, august should be the hottest month here right? WRONG!!!! a house across the road has actually decided that it's cold enough to light a fire. in summer. when it's supposed to be hot. the weather has been miserable today...

i have actually decided to rename the seasons. well, just summer at the moment. seeing as i have as yet to actually feel hot, i have chosen to name this season wimmer, which i feel appropriately sums up it's whimpy attempt to be summer (and is a clever play on words, do you see??)

oh dear, i seem to be complaining a lot about the weather. shoot, say something more interesting!

the weather does, however, lend itself to spending hours indoors, hunched over the keyboard, trolling through job sites, and trying to convince myself that three years in japan does not represent a great gaping hole in my relevant experience.

the job hunt has officially started. so far the score is days of feeling upbeat and positive: 1. days of feeling despondent and barely qualified to wash dishes: 4.

a depressing rant about my search for a job. oh yeah, that's much better!

at least my drive and resolve to find a job are high. i want to go to work so that i can start actually enjoying watching tv instead of feeling vaguely guilty that i'm not out knocking on people's doors, obnoxiously asking if there's any work going!

it really isn't all doom and gloom though. from last saturday, jeff and i are the proud owners of an allotment. (what is an allotment you say? i can't be bothered to explain. just wiki it. it'll be quicker for everyone involved)

here's what it looked like last saturday.


we spent a couple of hours on saturday cutting down the weeds with hand scythes and making a giant rubbish pile. so here's what it looks like now.


we have all the way up to the green house looking thing, which is currently weed choked, but belongs to someone else. anyway, we got sick of trying to get rid of all the weeds by hand so we had a mate come round to spray all the plants with weed killer (die, you suckers, die!!) once they're all dead we'll clear it all out then basically get everything ready to plant lots of veg in the spring.

oh my god! gardening?? really?? who are you??

as lazy as i can be, i've actually enjoyed it so far. i'm looking forward to making it into an actual garden, something i can stand in the middle of, with my hands on my hips, and look proudly and fondly on, possibly whilst chewing on some grass. or a pipe. something provincial anyway!

i don't even know you anymore.

that's all there is really. week two was much the same as week one. well except for the new wiz bang phone i got today! it's a sony ericsson xperia x10 mini, and is the coolest phone i've ever owned. jeff is deeply jealous, which of course only makes it more attractive to me! much of tonight will be spent trying to work out how to use it!

god i thought that would never end...

the turning wheels

i was going to start today's entry by describing me, at the desk, the sun streaming in through the window, birds wheeling in the sky, but in the space that it's taken me to type this the sun has ducked off behind a cloud for some private time and the birds have buggered off to somewhere more interesting!

which brings me to my first observation. the weather here is very mercurial, it's actually difficult to guess what the weather will do hour to hour, let alone day to day. this has, so far, remained novel, but i imagine it will irritate the snot right out of my nose down the track. (sun's back...)

but really, the weather has been a side note in the last week. i actually feel like it's been relatively productive, and once the jet lag wore off i even felt a sense of, not exactly excitement, more like anticipation, about life here. of course this hasn't prevented me from doing the inevitable embarrassing things that come with trying to sidle your way into a new culture. whilst purchasing slippers the shop girl said "that'll be 4.99" which i mistakenly heard as "what's your name?", and rather than question why the shop assistant would need my name to sell me shoes, happily went on to announce my name proudly and loudly. the girl, bless her, didn't even bat an eyelid and preceded to give me my change.

i had actually been nervous about the language barrier before the shoe incident, (and for those of you who loudly protest that they speak the same language as me, i would reply firmly with you've never heard a geordie speak) but now that i've actually done something stupid i don't feel so concerned about it.

the second embarrassing thing had to do with a small plant in our yard which i mistook for a mint plant so i tore off a leaf and held it up to my nose for a whiff of it's scent. at which point the leaf suddenly became a stinging nettle and promptly stung my nose. jeff, of course, thought this was funny and then told me, a number of times, that he'd pointed out stinging nettles to me before. in my defence that was a year ago!

but, embarrassing moments aside, i have actually got the wheels turning. i opened my bank account on tuesday, which was relatively straight forward, although my account is not. i've got the forms to change my licence over to a british one, the forms for my national insurance number are on their way, and i even registered with the australian embassy.

we've about 80% settled into the house. jeff and i spent an hour or so on wednesday putting together a chest of draws that we bought from ikea. it was time consuming and fiddly, and made just that bit more difficult because we didn't have a hammer, but, more importantly, neither of us wanted to kick the draws to bits and then smack the other in the head with the spanner (a common complaint, i'm told, when putting together ikea furniture).

so my first week is done and dusted and i feel happy about being here.

oh, wait! i forgot to mention the leaking shower!

so, the morning of my second day, jeff and i both had showers, then went down stairs only to notice water running down the kitchen wall, straight into an electrical socket, which was now making an alarming buzzing noise! we, sensibly, flipped off the fuse, only to discover that this meant all the appliances in the house were now off, which for the jet lag sufferer meant no tv to stare vacantly at whilst feeling myself slip slowly into a coma! we called jeff's dad and he came over the next morning to help us fix it. well i say us, but i actually didn't do anything, apart from make cups of coffee, and occasionally turn the mains switch back on when phil (jeff's dad) accidentally tripped it! so jeff's dad fixed the buzzing socket and jeff fixed the shower. fixing the shower meant that i wasn't able to have a shower for three days. nice...

ichi day or filling the gaps

made it. hazah! it feels a little odd to be here after all these months. of course that could just be the jet lag, which slapped me in the face quite forcefully about 10 minutes ago. so, you know, you probably should be prepared for this entry to not make much sense.

i've officially been on british soil for about four hours. jeff is out getting me pizza, leaving me to languish in my jet lag haze and stare at the idyllic rural scene out the window. wanna see it?


actually this photo probably doesn't really do it justice. don't know, can't tell, the jet lag makes everything seem shiny!

shiny, shiny, shiny...

my last week in oz consisted of an afternoon tea, a train ride, a missed flight, rock climbing, yum cha, and an almost car crash! i could elaborate, but i'm not going to.

you know what, why don't we all just accept that this entry is really just filler? at the moment my brain is still flying somewhere over the indian ocean, so really, it's pretty impressive i wrote anything at all!

perhaps i will add an addendum in a few days. but probably not.

ps the lady at customs had THE most ponderous bosoms i have ever seen!

prelude

why, hello gentle reader, and welcome to mystery masterpiece blog...

nah, that won't work. how about...

yo, what's up my peeps? dis be the words i write....

hmm, don't think so. Let's try...

it was the winter of 2010 and I found myself in Brisbane...

blah, no!

picture, if you will, a young woman, tall and full of effulgence, staring fixedly at the horizon, hope burning in her unplacid eyes.

there we go! equal parts pretentious and modest!!

her hand rests lightly on her waist, her other hand shading her ivory brow, searching for something away off yonder. suddenly, a shadow, nay, a mere smudge, appears in the distance, and her breath catches in her majestic bosom. as it resolves, a smile lightens her visage, and her statuesque limbs quiver with enthusiasm...

ok, ok, so it may not have happened exactly like that, but it sounds better than me describing endless days of guilty tv-watching, obsessively checking my emails. and i did dance around like a spaz in my aunt's apartment when i the email finally did come, so you know, dancing like a spaz, statuesque arms quivering with excitement, they sound the same to me!

but, anyway, i've decided (either wisely or stupidly, i'm not sure which) to write a blog about my first year in england or old blighty (hence o.b.). hang on...

switched off the italics. so, the plan is to write an entry every friday about the previous week, probably, if i'm completely honest with myself, to save me having to actually use my voice and tell people what's been happening in my life.

53 is for the number of weeks that i plan to write this blog. 52 for the first year, and 1 for this coming week, which is my last week in oz. next week's entry will be written on my first night in the uk.

so, essentially, what i'm saying is, if you want know what's happening in my (insert appropriately fabulous adjective here) life then read my blog. if you're not interested, well, you should be!

and for those of you who care about such things, i don't use capitals, because capitals are for losers!